Thursday, February 20, 2020

The Big Picture: Who We Are and What We Do

The ***Really*** Big Picture

We’re  a results-oriented community of men dedicated to making our lives more adventurous, fulfilling, and passionate. We do this by sharing expertise, discuss issues we’re facing, give each other advice, provide support, give feedback, set goals, and hold each other accountable. Our purpose is to help each other live the kind of life that makes us excited to get out of bed in the morning.
We encourage and motivate each other to take the basic steps of improving our lives. This includes weightlifting, eating healthier, improving relationships learning to defend ourselves and those we love, building confidence, improving our finances, setting goals, and so on. 

Why This Group?

Our safe, prosperous modern civilization comes at a serious cost to masculinity. Because we face no serious dangers, no major wars, no devastating famines, no economic collapses, society has no need for large bands of men to protect and serve. This relative safety forces us to abandon the freedom to be the kind of men we know we can be. 
Screw that. 
As men, we have a deeply-ingrained desire to organize in bands bonded by brotherhood, engage in rites of passage to have our masculinity tested, and to prove ourselves among other respected men. We’re creating a roadmap to a more authentic world within our modern world where men can enjoy the trappings of modernity AND the freedom, respect, and responsibilities enjoyed by our fathers, grandfathers, and countless generations who came before. 
We do this through one simple process - we continuously work at getting better at being men. More specifically, we're studying the art and science of masculinity, then applying the lessons to our personal and professional lives in the form of relentless, focused self-improvement. This self-improvement process is the primary goal of this group. 

The Details and the Underlying Philosophy

“I mean to make myself a man, and if I succeed in that, I shall succeed in everything else.”
Those words, spoken by the twentieth US president James Garfield, aptly sum up what it means to be a man. Wise words, indeed, but what is a man? The first goal of this group is to learn what it means to be a man, then embark on the long, sometimes difficult journey of becoming the best men we can become.

“Civilization comes at a cost of manliness. It comes at a cost of wildness, of risk, of strife. It comes at a cost of strength, of courage, of mastery. It comes at a cost of honor. Increased civilization exacts a toll of virility, forcing manliness into further redoubts of vicariousness and abstraction.”
The second goal of this group, as illustrated by this Jack Donovan quote, is to carve out a niche in our modern, civilized world where men are free of societal restraints to pursue the trials and tribulations that allow men to test themselves in the presence of other men.
If this sounds like something you’d be interested in, join us! Drop me a line at eldiablobjj “at”

How Women Want to Be Treated

As a society, we receive a lot of mixed messages on how men should treat women. Most of the information is complete and utter crap written by idiots who are doing nothing more than describing themselves in the hopes they'll find a woman who finally recognizes them for being the special snowflake they are. 

How do I know I've made a better list? It's simple. This article contains two lists. The first is what women love. The second is what women hate. I used to do pretty much everything on the second list. Women ignored or friendzoned me all the time. In my marriage, I regularly got a "meh" response from my wife. I was kind of pathetic. 

Then I started implementing things from the first list. Overnight, she responded extremely favorably. So did other women. Hell, so did other men. Since then, I've been sharing these tips with other dudes, and they've experienced the exact same effects. 

This shit works. 

After researching the literature, interviewing and conversing with hundreds of women, and observing relationship dynamics, here's what I've found:

Women most definitely do not want to be placed on a pedestal, treated like a princess, or given the leadership role in relationships. They don't want a sensitive, weak, emotionally-vulnerable man. They don't want a man that's “happy being the person he is”, which is really just code for “too unambitious to improve himself.” 

Women want a man that knows how to be a man, which is our goal in our men’s group. More importantly, a woman wants a man that knows what women want. The problem, of course, is that if a woman has to tell you what she wants, it then becomes worthless to her. A literal example – buying her flowers. If she has to ask you to do it, the gesture loses all meaning. Here's what she's really looking for:

What Women Want

  • She wants a man who can and will protect her. No matter how strong and independent she is, that need to be protected is biological. Let her fight her own battles, but she needs to know you have her back and can handle the shit she can't. My advice? Learn to fight and be comfortable using violence if needed.
  • She wants a man who is willing to teach her new things. Contrary to the “mansplaining” thing, women dig guys that pique their intellectual side. The trick – learn how to teach her new things without coming off as a condescending know-it-all. Humor helps.
  • She wants a man who is patient. Specifically, she wants a man that will patiently weather her occasional emotional shit-storms.
  • She wants a man who is physically fit. There's a reason romance novels don't feature dudes with beer guts and flat asses. Hit the gym, Men.
  • She wants a man who will lead her on new adventures. Humans crave novelty. Women are no exception.
  • She wants a man who will encourage and empower her to be the best person she can be. We like being pushed to improve ourselves, and we like the people who push us.
  • She wants a man who can tease her playfully. I cannot overstate the utility of this one. It takes confidence to tease a woman, and nothing's more sexually-arousing than confidence. 
  • She wants a man who will console her when she's upset. This is where that beta sensitivity pays off, but only in this very specific context. Hug her and tell her everything's going to be okay.
  • She wants a man who sets clear rules and boundaries. Admittedly, this was a hard realization for me because it feels controlling. Make it explicitly clear what behaviors are acceptable and not acceptable. Never waver. 
  • She wants a man who won't give in to her neediness. She'll make completely unreasonable demands. She likes when you tell her no. When used correctly, it creates the foundation for seduction. It's the most important word men need to learn to use.
  • She wants a man who won't allow her to emotionally manipulate him. It takes an observant and confident man to avoid emotional manipulation. She needs you to be her rock, and if she can manipulate you, she knows other women can, too.
  • She wants a man who won't take her shit. This is related to the previous item, and was another hard pill to swallow. Most irrational arguments are intentional and are really just shit tests. Getting sucked into the argument is a failure. Shutting the argument down is a pass.
  • She wants a man who will reward her for good behavior and punish her for bad behavior. This is related to setting clear rules and boundaries. You know how we tell people we teach them how to treat us? This is the process that accomplishes that.
  • She wants a man who demands respect. Women sometimes engage in intentionally-disrespectful behavior as a shit test. Failing these tests means she loses respect for you. Always demand respect and you'll pass with flying colors.
  • She wants a man who is dominant. This is another tough pill to swallow for most men, probably because we conflate “dominance” with “oppression.” Reframe it as “leadership.” Women hate being the decision-makers. 
  • She wants a man who will pay attention to her. But not too much. Being able to selectively give and remove attention IS the art of seduction.
  • She wants a man who’s consistent and stable, yet can be excitingly spontaneous. Give zero fucks about shit that you can't control, calmly handle the shit that you can. 
  • She wants a man who's more physically-capable than her. That means she wants someone bigger, stronger, and more aggressive. 
  • She wants a man who remains mysterious. Don't over-share. Observe the 2:1 Rule – share one thing for every two things she shares, and never share your weaknesses. Vulnerability is never attractive.
  • She wants a man she can look up to. She wants a man other men want to become and other women want to fuck. 
  • She wants a man who has more important shit to do than spend time with her. Yet another tough lesson to internalize. Women want a man that has ambition and exists for a reason other than making her life magical. 
  • She wants a man who requires her to work for affection and sex. The 2:1 Rule comes into play here, too. Affection and sex play by the economic principles of supply and demand. Most men wish their women were more affectionate or initiated sex more often. The trick: Learn to say no to maintain that 2:1 ratio. 
  • She wants a man who acts like a man. Women love manly men, not men that act like women.
  • She wants a man who has a dangerous streak. All humans are drawn to dark personalities; those people give us permission to indulge in our own dark fantasies. Occasionally bust out some Dark Triad traits. 
  • She wants a man who will fuck her like a rag doll. This might be the toughest lesson of all because it seems so counter-intuitive. Women rarely want tender, loving, gentle sex (aka “maintenance sex”.) They want to be treated like dirty, uninhibited sluts (advertising sex.) 

Great list, right? Of course, there are still a slew of things men do beyond this that can still sabotage relationships. Here's a list of things to avoid:

What Women DO NOT Want

  • She does not want a man who cries. He has no resiliency. 
  • She doesn't want a man who’s a weakling. He can't protect.
  • She does not want a fattie. Yeah, fitness is hard work, which is precisely why it's so rare.
  • She does not want a man who doesn't like looking at himself in the mirror. 
  • She doesn't want a man who makes excuses.
  • She doesn't want a man who needs to “prove” he's better than others.
  • She does not want a man who has to explain and rationalize his every behavior. 
  • She does not want a man who buys her gifts frequently. He lacks confidence and feels he must continually “buy” her love and affection.
  • She does not want a man who gets defensive when criticized.
  • She doesn't want a man who can't take control in the bedroom.
  • She does not want a whiner or a complainer.
  • She does not want a perfectionist.
  • She does not want a man who buys her lingerie. That sets up an obligation for sex, and negotiated sex (aka maintenance sex) is always bad sex. 
  • She does not want a boring man.
  • She does not want a man who stares at hot women... but not for the reason you think. High value males aren't desperate. They could get the hot chick if they wanted, so there's no reason to stare. Low Value men? They crave what they can't have, and staring longingly is a dead giveaway.
  • She does not want a man who always asks for permission.
  • She does not want a man that fidgets, looks down, crosses their arms, or has any other submissive body language.
  • She does not want a man who considers everyone's opinion before making decisions.
  • She does not want a man who focuses on her having orgasms. Know how, but don't make it your highest priority. Counter-intuitive, but true.
  • She does not want a man who apologizes excessively.
  • She does not want a slob.
  • She does not want a man who gives her unlimited freedom. Remember, she wants rules and boundaries
  • She does not want a man who’s into gaming, TV, or movies. They're time sucks. Use that time to make yourself better at being a man.
There ya go. Work on doing more from the first list and less from the second list.

Why Does Attractiveness Matter?

If you spend any time on social media, you probably encounter a lot of posts like this. It's a weird conflation of pro-body image and anti-fat shaming messages wrapped in overly flowery language (descriptor intentional.) While I enjoy dressing ideas in fancy wardrobes to make them more socially-palatable, it covers the important critical concepts that actually matter. In this case, the author seems to be saying "all women, regardless of body type, are universally, physically attractive." 

We all have our particular kinks, so yes. There are SOME people who probably find any given individual attractive. Rail-thin fashion model? There are dudes who find that look irresistible. Morbidly-obese couch potato? Some dudes can't get enough! One-legged dude covered in a thick mane of curly body hair and smells like a lint trap? There are women that salivate at the thought of boning him.

Here's the deal, though. There is an "ideal" that will appeal to the widest section of the population. Not necessarily EVERY member of the population, but most. This is primarily a function of evolution and is controlled by neurotransmitters and hormones in our nervous and endocrine system, but sociocultural factors play at least some role in interpersonal attraction. 

Getting closer to that "ideal" will make you more attractive to a wider segment of the population. In other words, it gives you more options. More importantly, it gives you better options where "better" is defined as "an option that is closer to the ideal of your preferred gender." When it comes to reaching that ideal, men and women have much different criteria, however.

How This Works for Female Attractiveness

Women really only have one important universal variable to consider: Fertility. While we don't usually think of fertility as being "attractive", the physical markers that indicate high fertility ARE attractive. Youth and health are the two primary components that indicate fertility, so all the female qualities guys find attractive center around those two constructs. Specifically, we (guys) look for a waist-to-hip ratio of about 0.7 (which is curiously independent of actual body size), full breasts, clear skin and shiny hair, facial symmetry, larger eyes, contrasting facial features, and, perhaps most importantly, youth. 

Think about all of the things women use to improve their appearance. Push-up bras, Spanx, breast and butt enlargement surgery, and well-fit clothing all accentuate that magical 0.7 ratio. Acne products, exfoliating products, moisturizers, spot-correcting products, concealers, highlighters, blotting papers, hydrating sprays, and powders all give the illusion of clear complexion. Hair restoration products, clarifying shampoos, and most conditioners are designed to enhance hair shininess. Products like lipstick, lip liner, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, etc. all create an effect that makes eyes appear bigger and/or increases facial feature contrast. And youth? That's the point of our obsession with "age eraser" tools like anti-wrinkle products (including the overuse of sunscreen), hair coloration, blush (which, like lipstick, also gives an illusion of sexual arousal), teeth whitening, primers, lash curlers, and, of course, plastic surgery.

So... the closer women get to the "female ideal", the more attractive they will appear to the largest number of people. In graph form, it looks like this:

Unfortunately for women, their "value" is pretty much dictated by their age. Their value increases until about the age of 24 or so, then drops as they continue to age. That's not really a politically-correct thing to say, but it's just the way our species works. Don't believe me? Ask any woman at 55 if she can attract as much male attention as she could at 25. 

How This Works for Male Attractiveness

For men, it gets a little more complex because, well, women's preferences are a little more complex. Again, remember we're talking about universals here. Individual preferences will skew this once we drop from the "all of humanity" level to "Joe, the dude who works at Wendy’s" level. Men essentially have four components that determine their value to women: 
  • Physical attractiveness
  • Confidence
  • The man's ability to protect
  • A man's ability to provide
Why exactly is this so complex? Hypergamy. Women's sexual strategy requires her ideal mate to possess this combination of characteristics to provide good genes and give both her and her offspring the best chance at survival. Again, it's evolution in action, which produces behaviors that are controlled by the nervous and endocrine systems. When looking for a mate, the typical male is looking for a fertile woman. A woman, on the other hand, is looking for a cornucopia of qualities that are nicely summed up in one of my all-time favorite college dorm posters:

Just like women, men use this information to make ourselves as attractive to potential mates as possible. Our physical attractiveness isn't based on youth so much as it's based on good genes (because dudes can produce viable sperm pretty much until death.) The indicators of male physical attractiveness are based on healthy genes and current physical health. Things like facial symmetry, high cheekbones, a strong jaw line, and a pronounced chin are most important for genetic health. Fitness (like washboard abs) and an absence of obvious indicators of sickness (like a rash and pale skin) are the best indicators of current health. 

Confidence is a weird characteristic, but relevant. Confidence can be displayed by possessing great social skills, dominance and power, and most importantly, confidence around women. That last one is the best indicator of relative value compared to the woman. A woman, per hypergamy, is always going to seek out the male with the highest status. Nothing screams "high high status" like confidence. Here's an example to illustrate the point:

Jane is a female with a rated attractiveness (a tool researchers use to measure a person's measurable attractiveness) value of 5 out of 10. She's always going to look for a male of higher status than herself. Specifically, she's going to search for the man with the highest status she can attract. She meets Bob. Bob is a 7 out of 10 when combining all four of these characteristics. Because Bob is of higher status than Jane, he's not especially nervous around her. He comes off as confident. Jane is really attracted to that because his confidence is an indicator that Bob is high value relative to her own value.

Now let's look at Matilda. Matilda is a Finnish bikini model. She's a 9 out of 10. SHE meets Bob. Bob is intimidated by her beauty because he believes she's out of his league. Matilda picks up on Bob's lack of confidence, thus indicating he's low status. As such, she doesn't find him attractive.

Make sense?

Weird, but that's how our species interprets male confidence as part of this "male status" formula.

Sidebar - Dudes, that's one of the secrets to succeeding with women. ;-)

Next is a man's ability to protect. Men are physically bigger than women, thus serving as natural protectors. Also, when pregnant and nursing, women are more vulnerable. As such, women place a value on a man's ability to protect. This is another reason women value fitness in general and displays of athleticism or "fighting skill" in particular. For what it’s worth, this is part of the reason our men’s group meets at an mma/ jiu jitsu gym. A noodly-armed man who is unwilling and unable to protect those he loves is essentially worthless.

Finally, we have a man's ability to provide. Like protecting, this is about survival. A man who can provide for his woman and their children is valued higher than a lazy, unemployed bum. Hear that, socialists? :-) It should be noted this doesn't always manifest as "making more money." If a man shows he has the potential to make money and the drive to make money, that's almost as good. 

All of these things, in graph form, looks like this:

Guys, for better or worse, aren't affected by aging so much as what we accomplish in life. Women more or less get their value simply by being youthful, then have to fight that decline as they age. Guys, on the other hand, don't start with much other than their indicators of genetic health (assuming they're not trust fund babies.) Everything else? Guys have to earn it. That's both good and bad. It means we have incredible control over our own status, but it also means hard work is heavily rewarded and laziness is ruthlessly punished

Sidebar - this is the precise reason why "just be yourself" advice, when given to men, is ludicrous. If a man isn't actively improving all of these realms (thus working to increase his value), his value is dropping. You've been warned, lazy asses!

So... How Do We Use This Information?

I know what some of my readers are thinking - "Wow Jason, that's a pretty harsh take on humanity!" Maybe, but it's reality. And sometimes the truth kinda hurts. We can either choose to ignore it, leave our head in the clouds, and become victims to our ignorance, or we can accept it and use it to make our lives better. I want to know how shit works, then I want to hack it to figure out how to make my life better, and by extension - the lives of my family. Understanding this helps. 

A lot.

How Females View Male Friends

Before we begin, It's important to understand one critical point - when you first meet a woman in real life (I doubt online interactions count), she's going to make an impression of you based on some fairly obvious criteria. As a result of that first meeting, she's going to place you on one of two ladders - the "Real Ladder" or the "Friends Ladder."

If you're placed on the Real Ladder, she's sexually attracted to you. That means she would not only be willing to hook up with you, but also sees you as potential relationship material. Read the linked post in the last paragraph for a more detailed explanation. 

If you're placed on the Friends Ladder, she is not sexually attracted to you. If she doesn't immediately reject you and keeps you around, you will forever be in her Friendzone (there are exceptions in the same linked post.) 

The Idea of Orbiters

If you've been placed on her Friends Ladder, you are an Orbiter. Orbiters are the dudes who voluntarily occupy a woman's friendzone. They stay there because, per their mating strategy, they sincerely believe being a woman's friend allows them the opportunity to demonstrate their value by treating the woman like a princess. They don't understand that placing a woman on a pedestal is the worst way to increase a woman's sexual desire. Still, they persist. 

Women with orbiters are often accused, usually unfairly, of "leading men on." I don't buy into that because most women genuinely believe the dudes are entirely platonic friends. It's the men that set up the "if I'm nice, you'll reciprocate with affection and/or sex" expectation. Still, women usually maintain the friendship because it often provides a tangible benefit. Some of these benefits may include:
  • Companionship - The Orbiter provides the woman with company. This is the most "pure" and innocent form of male-female friendship. She just likes him as a person and enjoys his company. If he didn't think of her as a potential sexual partner (which may happen if he is much higher value and she's in his Abyss, she's dating or married to an important friend or family member, or if he's gay), these friendships can be very mutually-fulfilling.
  • Social proof - A woman surrounded by dudes is perceived as having a higher value to males she may be interested in versus a woman that is alone. Orbiters give social proof, or the appearance she's desired. This is especially effective if the Orbiters are attractive themselves.
  • Emotional validation - Humans like to know they're right. We like to know our emotional expression is the correct emotional expression. Orbiters are kind of like "Yes Men" in this way. No matter what batshit crazy emotional response women may have, the Orbiters will tell her it is completely justified. 
  • Sexual validation - Humans also like to feel desired sexually. Honestly, this is where I think some females cross an ethical line. They have zero intent to ever enter into a sexual relationship with their Orbiters, but they may sexually tease them to feel desired. 
  • Gain material goods and services - This one is a little morally-questionable to me, too, but maybe not quite as much. If a dude is willing to buy his crush a bunch of crap and run her errands, that's his prerogative. 
  • Amusement (court jester) - This isn't "he's a funny persona that makes me laugh" so much as "my friends and I laugh because he's so pathetic." I don't see this happen too often in the adult world, but I did see it a lot in my role as a high school teacher. The hot popular girl would lead on her "friend" Orbiter because his cluelessness amused her. 
  • Emotional tampon - This is the proverbial "shoulder to cry on" task many Orbiters complain about bitterly. His crush dates an "asshole"; when they break up she looks to him for emotional comfort. This is confusing to the dude because, since he doesn't understand that he's on the wrong ladder, he genuinely believes he would and should be a "better man" for her. 
Animated Batman does not understand Ladder Theory

It was kind of tough deciding which memes to share as part of this post, so I'll just go with this one:

If you were nodding at any of those, you might want to consider joining our men’s group...

What About "Friends with Benefits?"

Ah, friends with benefits. Too many dudes look at that construct and conflate it with Orbiters. If you're friends with a woman and she's having sex with you, you're not on her Friend Ladder. You're on her Real Ladder. Congrats! In fact, she would be considered a Plate. Women like sex just as much as guys (though their actual sex drive isn't as strong unless they're ovulating.) 

What makes women different is they don't desire to have sex with almost anyone like guys do. Blame evolution for that one... the cost of having sex with a low-value man, given the rigors and dangers of pregnancy, birth, and the subsequent child-rearing is FAR greater for a woman than a man. As such, men rarely if ever experience sexual revulsion. Women, however, DO experience sexual revulsion. THAT is what separates their Real and Friend Ladders. Being sexual with someone on their Friend Ladder would be like licking the toilet bowl in the Taco Bell bathroom on a Saturday "three-for-one bean burrito" night.

The moral of the story - Orbiters and Friends with Benefits are completely different constructs to a woman. 

Using a Female's Male AND Female Friends to Assess Personality Quirks and Spot Red Flags

This is an excellent skill men can use to assess a woman's value, especially as a potential long-term partner. Women are excellent at assessing men; that's the whole point of fitness tests. However, since a great deal of female value is visual, the only other thing we're pretty good at is assessing if she'll likely have sex with us in a timely fashion. We're kinda bad at assessing her suitability for a long-term relationship, so we usually rely on advice like this:

This video, by the way, isn't necessarily incorrect. ;-)

Anyway, assessing a woman's friendship patterns with both men and women can offer A LOT of insight to a particular woman's personality (and suitability for long-term relationships.)

The Good Signs

  • She has a lot of male and female friends, with some close, long-term female friends. This is a powerful indicator that she's emotionally stable and socially-competent. She knows enough about male and female behaviors to effectively navigate life. She's probably the best bet for long-term relationships.
  • She has only female friends and a few have been long-term friends. Same deal as above, but she's not going to be sympathetic to male issues. That lack of empathy might be problematic and lead to some fights, but she's otherwise stable.

The Major Red Flags

  • She has no friends. She has no social skills and her ability to maintain a relationship is seriously suspect. She'd better bring A LOT more to the table. 
  • She has no close friends. If she normally cycles friends regularly or all of her friends are due to propinquity (people she works with, people that live a door or two away), that usually means her social skills are decent but she's a drama queen that burns bridges. 
  • All of her friends are family members. This woman suffers the same problem as the woman with no friends, but also has the problem of family members constantly inflating her ego. This is bad news.

Run for the Hills!

  • She has only guy friends and she's hot. When a woman cannot make friends with other women (usually by complaining women are "too catty" or "backstabbing bitches", it's not a problem with every other woman. It's a problem with her. If she's really attractive, this usually means she needs male validation and gets it sexually. She's a plate to at least a few high value masculine dudes.
  • She has only guy friends and she's not hot. Some deal as above, except she'll surround herself with Orbiters which she uses for validation. This particular woman also tends to feel a sense of entitlement ("I deserve a hot, rich, loyal man!") even though she herself is low value. 


Females have two kinds of male friends: Orbiters on her Friends Ladder and "guys I'd have sex with" on her Real Ladder. Once you're on the Friends Ladder, you're not getting to the Real Ladder because she's sexually-repulsed by you. Orbits are NOT Friends with Benefits. Once you understand these points, you can then use the information to assess a woman's potential for a long-term relationship. Good luck, gentlemen!

How Males View Female Friends

I've received a few questions from the ladies about my post on Ladder Theory. Specifically, the male ladder. Even more specifically, "Why don't men have a Friend Ladder?" About half of the women that asked the question also inferred the answer:

Men don't have female friends if they're not sexually attracted to them. 

That’s correct! It's really that simple. When I make this statement, most men nod and agree. Some of my ineffective,weaker male friends bitterly deny this, but of course, they're lying. They have to as their sexual strategy is based on the idea that they "befriend" women to get close to them with the hopes of eventually "making their move." That plan is in place the entire time, but revealing it would reveal the nefarious ulterior motive behind the deceit. 

Anyway, that's the rule. I suspect there are a few ladies in my audience that don't believe me, so let's do a little female thought experiment (or, if you're brave, do it in real life.)

Ladies, imagine you're alone with your male friend and you won't be disturbed. You go into the bathroom, strip naked, then walk out, lie down in front of your male friend, and say "I need you to bone me right here, right now." He will give one of two responses:
  1. "No. I respect our friendship too much to risk this sexual encounter." -OR-
  2. "Okay."

Which do you think he would choose? Every single male that answers this question for each of their female friends is going to answer this the exact same way. They're going to choose #2.

Guys befriend females for four reasons, and two provide the only exceptions to this otherwise iron-clad rule that guys will always want to fuck their female friends:
  1. They want to have sex with them.
  2. They have already had sex with them.
  3. They do not find them sexually attractive in any way, shape, or form.
  4. They're friends because the female is in a relationship with their friends or relatives. 
The first two rules are obvious and require no explanation. 

The third rule is pretty self-explanatory. This occurs when the guy is MUCH higher value than the woman and he perceives that he has many far better, readily available options. In this scenario, the man would answer #1 to the sex test. And his penis would try to crawl into his body cavity. On the male ladder, this woman would be in his Abyss (Hilary.)

Even when really, really drunk, Hilary would be hard-pressed to escape the Abyss to occupy even the lowest rung of the ladder.

The other explanation for the third rule is the dude is gay. Not bi; gay. Like, a hard "5" or a "6" on the Kinsey scale gay.

The fourth rule is a little tricky and presents a dilemma of sorts. Dudes who are friends with the wives and girlfriends of their family members or males in their social circle would have sex with them if rule #3 didn't apply AND they wouldn't face the social consequences that would follow if they actually did. In this scenario, a dude's response to the sex test would probably be contingent on the importance of the relationship with the male. The more important the relationship, the more likely he'd answer with #1. 

Does this concept mean all men are horny, deceptive jackasses? Of course not. It's just evolution. We're designed to be aroused by physical attractiveness. We're also designed to use a "shotgun" approach to reproduction. Our biological imperative that subconsciously drives our behavior causes us to want to fuck a lot of different women. We crave a degree of novelty (per the Coolidge Effect.) If a woman isn't in our Abyss, we'd have sex with her given the right confluence of events. The only real thing that limits this is opportunity (they're not high value enough to actually attract a lot of women.) 

Where Ineffective Males Go Wrong

I like talking about this topic in part because it tends to drive weaker, less effective males insane with anger which tends to be wayyyyy past the line of "I disagree with this sentiment" rationality. And the reason *should* raise a major internal (and external) red flag.

These males will passionately deny they'd have sex with their female friends (assuming the third rule from above) because their entire sexual selection strategy (how they find a mate) is predicated on the idea that they have to appear as asexual and nonthreatening as humanly possible. I talked about this extensively in my "Why women despise Nice Guys" post. Even suggesting they're hanging out in the friendzone for nefarious purposes cannot be tolerated, hence the irrationally-strong emotional response to the sentiment in this post. 

When these males place themselves in the friendzone by failing to make a good first impression, they think they're doing exactly what women really want. Unfortunately, they're wrong. Their methodology of appearing to be sexless eunuchs and assume feminine characteristics is almost the perfect storm to kill female desire. But they believe the exact opposite. That's why these males become infuriated when a higher value masculine male swoops in and "steals' their crush. They genuinely believe they've been putting in a tremendous amount of time and effort to "win" their girl "friend", and some random dude sweeps her off her feet by flexing his pecs making fun of her flowery shirt. 

The saddest part of that dynamic is the tendency for these males to assume their crush is flawed and/or damaged because she falls for the masculine dude. THAT is where a great deal of insanity-fueled misogyny comes from. When women say "let's just be friends", they mean just that, but not just in the present. Forever. The women, unfortunately, usually don't realize "let's just be friends" is playing right into the weak male's sexual strategy. She thinks she's making it clear he's going to the Friends Ladder. He thinks she just gave him the green light to begin his "I'm going to treat you like the princess you are" seduction. 

A good rule of thumb for the ladies - assume all your male friends secretly want to bone you. Unless they're hot and you're not. Or they're really, really gay.

The Idea of "Plates"

Plate - noun - A female friend that a man keeps around for sex or the prospect of sex in the future.

Women may intentionally or unintentionally keep several male friends on her "Friend Ladder" because they provide something, usually emotional affirmation or goods and services. Males intentionally or unintentionally keep women on their "Piece of Ass Ladder" for sex, either at the moment or in the future. As a rule, these plates will always be lower value than himself. 

There's a fascinating economic dynamic to this, however. When a male is monogamous, he'll almost always be "with" the highest value plate he believes he can attract. His "lower value" plates serve as backups of sorts if the relationship goes south. This tends to be a major source of female jealousy, and the higher the value of the plates, the more intense the jealousy. While it seems chaotic, this dynamic is one of the factors that actually leads to relationship stability. It assures the top "plate" isn't getting complacent in the relationship. If a dude is not monogamous, he will spin several plates at the same time (like the plate-spinning parlor trick, which is where the analogy originated.)

If a dude has a plate that is higher value than himself, she's no longer a plate. HE becomes one of her ORBITERS. See how that works?