As a society, we receive a lot of mixed messages on how men should treat women. Most of the information is complete and utter crap written by idiots who are doing nothing more than describing themselves in the hopes they'll find a woman who finally recognizes them for being the special snowflake they are.
How do I know I've made a better list? It's simple. This article contains two lists. The first is what women love. The second is what women hate. I used to do pretty much everything on the second list. Women ignored or friendzoned me all the time. In my marriage, I regularly got a "meh" response from my wife. I was kind of pathetic.
Then I started implementing things from the first list. Overnight, she responded extremely favorably. So did other women. Hell, so did other men. Since then, I've been sharing these tips with other dudes, and they've experienced the exact same effects.
This shit works.
After researching the literature, interviewing and conversing with hundreds of women, and observing relationship dynamics, here's what I've found:
Women most definitely do not want to be placed on a pedestal, treated like a princess, or given the leadership role in relationships. They don't want a sensitive, weak, emotionally-vulnerable man. They don't want a man that's “happy being the person he is”, which is really just code for “too unambitious to improve himself.”
Women want a man that knows how to be a man, which is our goal in our men’s group. More importantly, a woman wants a man that knows what women want. The problem, of course, is that if a woman has to tell you what she wants, it then becomes worthless to her. A literal example – buying her flowers. If she has to ask you to do it, the gesture loses all meaning. Here's what she's really looking for:
What Women Want
- She wants a man who can and will protect her. No matter how strong and independent she is, that need to be protected is biological. Let her fight her own battles, but she needs to know you have her back and can handle the shit she can't. My advice? Learn to fight and be comfortable using violence if needed.
- She wants a man who is willing to teach her new things. Contrary to the “mansplaining” thing, women dig guys that pique their intellectual side. The trick – learn how to teach her new things without coming off as a condescending know-it-all. Humor helps.
- She wants a man who is patient. Specifically, she wants a man that will patiently weather her occasional emotional shit-storms.
- She wants a man who is physically fit. There's a reason romance novels don't feature dudes with beer guts and flat asses. Hit the gym, Men.
- She wants a man who will lead her on new adventures. Humans crave novelty. Women are no exception.
- She wants a man who will encourage and empower her to be the best person she can be. We like being pushed to improve ourselves, and we like the people who push us.
- She wants a man who can tease her playfully. I cannot overstate the utility of this one. It takes confidence to tease a woman, and nothing's more sexually-arousing than confidence.
- She wants a man who will console her when she's upset. This is where that beta sensitivity pays off, but only in this very specific context. Hug her and tell her everything's going to be okay.
- She wants a man who sets clear rules and boundaries. Admittedly, this was a hard realization for me because it feels controlling. Make it explicitly clear what behaviors are acceptable and not acceptable. Never waver.
- She wants a man who won't give in to her neediness. She'll make completely unreasonable demands. She likes when you tell her no. When used correctly, it creates the foundation for seduction. It's the most important word men need to learn to use.
- She wants a man who won't allow her to emotionally manipulate him. It takes an observant and confident man to avoid emotional manipulation. She needs you to be her rock, and if she can manipulate you, she knows other women can, too.
- She wants a man who won't take her shit. This is related to the previous item, and was another hard pill to swallow. Most irrational arguments are intentional and are really just shit tests. Getting sucked into the argument is a failure. Shutting the argument down is a pass.
- She wants a man who will reward her for good behavior and punish her for bad behavior. This is related to setting clear rules and boundaries. You know how we tell people we teach them how to treat us? This is the process that accomplishes that.
- She wants a man who demands respect. Women sometimes engage in intentionally-disrespectful behavior as a shit test. Failing these tests means she loses respect for you. Always demand respect and you'll pass with flying colors.
- She wants a man who is dominant. This is another tough pill to swallow for most men, probably because we conflate “dominance” with “oppression.” Reframe it as “leadership.” Women hate being the decision-makers.
- She wants a man who will pay attention to her. But not too much. Being able to selectively give and remove attention IS the art of seduction.
- She wants a man who’s consistent and stable, yet can be excitingly spontaneous. Give zero fucks about shit that you can't control, calmly handle the shit that you can.
- She wants a man who's more physically-capable than her. That means she wants someone bigger, stronger, and more aggressive.
- She wants a man who remains mysterious. Don't over-share. Observe the 2:1 Rule – share one thing for every two things she shares, and never share your weaknesses. Vulnerability is never attractive.
- She wants a man she can look up to. She wants a man other men want to become and other women want to fuck.
- She wants a man who has more important shit to do than spend time with her. Yet another tough lesson to internalize. Women want a man that has ambition and exists for a reason other than making her life magical.
- She wants a man who requires her to work for affection and sex. The 2:1 Rule comes into play here, too. Affection and sex play by the economic principles of supply and demand. Most men wish their women were more affectionate or initiated sex more often. The trick: Learn to say no to maintain that 2:1 ratio.
- She wants a man who acts like a man. Women love manly men, not men that act like women.
- She wants a man who has a dangerous streak. All humans are drawn to dark personalities; those people give us permission to indulge in our own dark fantasies. Occasionally bust out some Dark Triad traits.
- She wants a man who will fuck her like a rag doll. This might be the toughest lesson of all because it seems so counter-intuitive. Women rarely want tender, loving, gentle sex (aka “maintenance sex”.) They want to be treated like dirty, uninhibited sluts (advertising sex.)
Great list, right? Of course, there are still a slew of things men do beyond this that can still sabotage relationships. Here's a list of things to avoid:
What Women DO NOT Want
- She does not want a man who cries. He has no resiliency.
- She doesn't want a man who’s a weakling. He can't protect.
- She does not want a fattie. Yeah, fitness is hard work, which is precisely why it's so rare.
- She does not want a man who doesn't like looking at himself in the mirror.
- She doesn't want a man who makes excuses.
- She doesn't want a man who needs to “prove” he's better than others.
- She does not want a man who has to explain and rationalize his every behavior.
- She does not want a man who buys her gifts frequently. He lacks confidence and feels he must continually “buy” her love and affection.
- She does not want a man who gets defensive when criticized.
- She doesn't want a man who can't take control in the bedroom.
- She does not want a whiner or a complainer.
- She does not want a perfectionist.
- She does not want a man who buys her lingerie. That sets up an obligation for sex, and negotiated sex (aka maintenance sex) is always bad sex.
- She does not want a boring man.
- She does not want a man who stares at hot women... but not for the reason you think. High value males aren't desperate. They could get the hot chick if they wanted, so there's no reason to stare. Low Value men? They crave what they can't have, and staring longingly is a dead giveaway.
- She does not want a man who always asks for permission.
- She does not want a man that fidgets, looks down, crosses their arms, or has any other submissive body language.
- She does not want a man who considers everyone's opinion before making decisions.
- She does not want a man who focuses on her having orgasms. Know how, but don't make it your highest priority. Counter-intuitive, but true.
- She does not want a man who apologizes excessively.
- She does not want a slob.
- She does not want a man who gives her unlimited freedom. Remember, she wants rules and boundaries
- She does not want a man who’s into gaming, TV, or movies. They're time sucks. Use that time to make yourself better at being a man.
There ya go. Work on doing more from the first list and less from the second list.